Positive

Today I am thankful. That's an easy sentence to write but a remarkably hard one to mean sometimes. It's amazing what happens when you begin to remove the mental road blocks you make for yourself. I am thankful for where I am and what I am doing - and I hope that with persistence, a little luck and some divine intervention I can continue on this path.

The end...for now ;)

If I won the lottery

I've been really bored lately. There's nothing exciting going on, no form of collaboration or creativity, and I feel I'm wasting time in all areas of my life.

Obviously the answer to my problem is I need change the question is where do I start and more importantly where do I go? I've had some serious attempts of change in the past few months - all ending in dismal disappointment.  A friend of mine said there are thee keys to success when looking for change. Realize what you want, Visualize it then Actualize it.

I'm still stuck on the R.

So I reverted to that famous high school councilor trick: what would you want to do if you won the lottery? You could do whatever you wanted without worrying about finances - what's your dream?

When I was younger my answer was - I'd write books.  Pssh: clearly it's that easy. Now? I have no idea. The only think I can think of doing is set my parents up to never have to worry about money again.  Then I'm stuck. Totally in a rut with no way out - I know I'm so dramatic. So what's my goal this week? Create a more effective, achievable life plan one that I have to stick to and implement no matter how hard it is.

I suppose I have to post my update next week. Stay tuned.

Sunny Saturday

I came home this afternoon and the house was empty.  The noisy neighbor was gone, the sun was shining and I felt...good, all was right with the world.

I found some sort of centered peace I've been waiting for and even my iPod was complying today - playing really great music just on shuffle.  So I took a moment and basked in that rare time in life where everything comes together for just a few seconds. Like the planets were aligned just for me just for a moment.

I cleaned the apartment, took out the trash, showered and made myself dinner. And then I waited. For what I'm not so sure. I feel like at times we're all supposed to listen. To ourselves, to something telling us about our next steps in life and how we're supposed to prepare. I always wonder if I missed my calling. Should I have been an artist, musician or maybe I'll always be a struggling writer. In any event, today for a brief moment, I felt recharged.  Here's hoping I can sustain it.

Who do you love?

Since all my hard news blogging efforts have moved over to my alternative blog (listed on the right hand column there) this is turning more personal for me.


Today I'm learning not to fight. I feel like I've been rushing through life "I can't shake your hand - I'm waiting for something very important to happen". I need to stop that. Each day is a step toward bettering myself and hopefully those around me. I need to realize that one day my hard work will pay off and I will not be in the same place forever. But for right now - I need to shake those hands. Be a better person, a bigger one and focus on what's in front of me just as much as what I want ahead of me...

I guess we'll see.

Just a quick update

Quick update - more for me than you but it keeps me on track when I know that "people are reading this" even if it is just Google Analytics.

Positive thing - Dizzler rocks my world and I'm loving that I can grab any song off the net and listen to it right then.  Right now my obsession is still Passion Pit especially their song "Little Secrets"

What I'm letting go: When I come into work to welcome a pile of paperwork, half of which is missing signatures in key areas...I am not angry - it was not my fault I cannot prevent everything. It feels good to not let things get to you. I can only do what I can to fix it.

We'll see how long this lasts... ;)

Gay Girl Straight World: One Thing Every Day

 
According to Wikipedia (which in some cases is like saying according to my beagle) BUT according to Wikipedia:

Happiness is a state of mind or feeling characterized by contentment, love, satisfaction, pleasure, or joy.A variety of biological, psychological, religious, and philosophical approaches have striven to define happiness and identify its sources.

 Today I was ashamed. Everyday we read newspapers and articles, floods here, disaster there and I bitch about stuff that doesn't deserve to be bitched about.

Like the other day - when a co-worker tells me he believes in gay marriage, just not in gay's having kids, unless they want to adopt the "retarded ones" because they're desperate, I took a step back and got really irritated!

I've decided to make that reaction something of the past and renew some sort of inner whateverness.  Last year I saw the Dalai Lama speak in person and I bought this quote which I have hanging at my desk.  I vowed to read it everyday and keep myself centered.  Clearly that didn't happen but I'm renewing it again and looking for one thing everyday to make me happy and one thing to let go of.

Today the happiness is sunshine and convincing a co-worker to grab lunch. 
The irritation I let go of - well the things I can't control (which are many) but for today it's knowing that you can't please everyone.

And to close here's the quote I referenced above:

Every day, think as you wake up, today I am fortunate to have woken up, I am alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it, I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others, to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings, I am going to have kind thoughts towards others, I am not going to get angry or think badly about others, I am going to benefit others as much as I can.

H.H. the XIV Dalai Lama

What makes you happy? And more importantly what do you need to let go?

Gay Girl Straight World: Biden Drops the F Bomb

God I love Biden - what a trip!

I don't know how many of you decided to watch the historic signing of the Health care bill today but if you didn't you missed out!

Here's a quick recap: So I'm trying to be a good American, multitasking at my desk when a client comes over to me.  Obama uttering his historic speech in the background I grab a file and hand it over. Then I hear it, it's unmistakable, unbelievable - the word THE most taboo, unforgivable word in the English language - FUCK.

Wait what? I clearly wasn't listening that well.

I wait for my adorable client to walk away and scale back. Did he really just say that? The Vice President, the second in command in the United States say the F-bomb?

In the words of one of Alaska's most notorious politicians "You Betcha!".

Don't believe me?
Check out the uncensored version just for you guys. Just make sure you turn up the volume.



Damn Gina - way to tell it like it is Joe!