Is My Bed Really Dead?

Lets just get to the point shall we?  Lesbian bed death - and no I'm not talking about the Lesbian Bed Death band (they scare me).  When you hear the term "Lesbian bed death" what's your automatic reaction?  For me, I pictured two women who have been together for 20 years who just didn't have sex anymore.  I mean lets face it most people after 20 years together just don't have sex anymore...right?

So, why are we hearing that it happens so much more often than anyone would like? Dr. Pepper Schwartz coined the term Lesbian Bed Death term in the early 80's.  But depending on who you talk to - (or whose opinion you read) there are several factors that enable this craptastic thing to occur.  Ladies, lets face it - regardless of why it happens it happens - to all of us at some time.  If it doesn't you're either really lucky, or just haven't been with anyone longer than six months.

As to why it happens - that's up to debate, from hormones, to stress, to everyday life. Several things contribute to the cold bedom that we all fear. So my question is what do we DO about it?!

For me, I know I was the cause several years ago - back in the days where I thought I was important and very busy.  (Now I know better - I'm pretty unimportant in the scheme of things)  :)

But the most important lesson I've learned through the cold nights and lesbian bed deathery, is even though you both have different lives, stressers, and things that get in your way - it's important to continue to verify your relationship.  A lot of times we equate sex with love and also use it as a general indicator as to how our relationship is doing.

But there are other things we need to factor too.  If she still makes your heart melt when you look at her, if you still get that shock when you touch, then it's important to hang in there.  Life, especially now with the economy the way it is and everyone scrambling to find their way again - it takes its toll on all of us.

So my  very amateur advice is this - stick it out.  Life will always suck sometimes, in the bed and elsewhere.  If you have someone that makes your life complete, most of the times, know that the bed death is only a phase, a phase that if my sources are correct straight people go through too!  Worse comes to worse grab your rabbit (or whatever) and have at it - maybe that's just the jump start your girl needs to get involved too.

Don't Ask Don't Tell Don't Fly?

Wait what? Did I read this correctly?

The Washington Post in a breaking news frenzy, released an alert stating that during his address, the President will speak to appealing the military's "don't ask don't tell policy"....Holy crap!

I know the President spoke about this several times before, and it's been a semi hot topic in the last year but I'm still shocked that the President will choose this time to address such a serious issue.  I applaud him for doing so but I'll be interested in seeing what will actually happen when or if the policy is repealed.

I think any red blooded American (gay or straight) at one time toys with the idea of joining the military. I myself was dogged by the Navy (of all branches the Navy?!)  and honestly contemplated it for about half a second until I realized not only would I lose all autonomy BUT I'd have to be in the closet AGAIN...no thanks I'll pass.

So, if this is repealed what does it mean?  I'm assuming that gays would be able to serve openly - have partners, be themselves without fearing a dishonorable discharge, among other things. And with that being said, wouldn't this do wonders for the military? Granted I know there will be A LOT of growing pains (can you imagine Major so-and-so having to tolerate a queen with a lisp who just happens to be the best sniper on the base?  LOVE IT!)

But I think this will open the doors to so many people who have refused to consider military service if their relationships weren't recognized. Talk about the perfect way to build the ever straggling military.  Bets are hundreds of women "with strong throwing arms" - will finally join the cause to protect and serve our country.

Plus all the service men and women who are gay, can continue to be so AND keep their jobs. Check this out. According to The Examiner the military is actually losing money because of Don't Ask Don't Tell.
 Kelvin Lynch writes about a recent UCLA finding:

"Since its inception in 1994, the “Don’t Ask/Don’t Tell” policy has cost the military between $290 million to more than a half a billion dollars.  The military spends an estimated $22,000 to $43,000 per person to replace those discharged under DADT. In other words, 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell" has never worked, and never will."

Interesting to look at Don't Ask Don't Tell from a financial standpoint...

Well I'll be looking forward to watching the address and am intrigued to see how the President words this suggested appeal. But the main question is - will the repeal actually happen and if so, does it make the army more appealing to you?

Who Doesn't Love Jane Lynch?

If you're a lesbian, or pretty much a human with a TV at this point, you've probably seen Jane Lynch in one of her various roles, from Sue Sylvester on Glee, Lucy Bobby in Talladega Nights and Joyce Wischnia (my personal favorite) on the L Word.  LOVE the Joyce character and miss the L Word - ok I'm done. 

Anyway, the buzz I'm hearing, especially now is - Jane Lynch rocks.  Gay, straight, conservative pain-in-the-ass, we all adore her and for good reason!  She plays the perfect part. The hard ass, the female thug - the one that always gets her way, usually while wearing a track suit. AND she finds a way to look classy doing it. When was the last time (OK aside from Ellen) we had someone so outwardly gay, yet remarkably successful? I can't think of many other women like her that are in the limelight right now.


So with that in mind, and  - according to The Carpetbagger Blog , her upcoming marriage to Dr. Lara Embry, today we salute Jane Lynch - the fabulous lesbian with balls of steel.

What is this about?

So what is this about?  I'm a twenty something and I can't complain about much. I'm gay, out to people I'm close to, and I try to lead a relatively normal life. So this is about my thoughts, I know real exciting. But what's the harm in documenting? So each post I'll tackle something that's bothering me, and I welcome everyone to post their thoughts.

So the question this time - When should one come out at work?

I'm thankful to be employed but like most of us - wish it were somewhere else.  Regardless of my employment status, one of the biggest issues I have is answering the question - "To come out or not to come out" at work.

I think for me it's important to be honest, but I find, like in most cases, being totally honest has the potential to significantly hinder you. I'm always concerned that co-workers and managers might see me differently. Will I lose credibility, and will people begin to tip toe around - making casual conversation seem forced and painful?


As of now I've never come out at work, and I wonder if I'm making it more of a big deal than I should. I monitor co-workers, we all do it.  See their reactions to certain situations and if they love Elton John etc... and wonder - how accepting can this person be?  Regardless of the laws we've all known someone who has been fired for being gay.  If you haven't -we need to introduce you to more gays.  But as of right now I've never felt comfortable enough to come out AND I've always been the only gay person in the office. How is this possible in the 20th century? I'm still figuring that out.

With that being said, I know a big part of this issue is me, my own fears, insecurities and acceptance issues. But still - when should or rather when is it appropriate to come out at work?

Any suggestions?