I used to think the scariest thing was losing you...

A lot is happening.

I can't pretend to say it's all okay and I won't be stupid enough to think my life is over. It's true it's in a shambles. An unorganized hodgepodge of useless albeit expensive degrees, mixed in with an unhealthy fear of failure and no clear path forward.

This is not what I expected 27 to look like - and yet there is only me to blame.

The past few years I lived with a crutch. Love.  It's what it's all about isn't it? It's all you need. It makes the world go round. It's the only thing that there's just to little of...

We're supposed to say that with love, one can conquer the world. And yet I wonder if it's enough.  I used to think that it was better to have a partner in crime, a support system, someone with whom I would build a life. And together we'd work to have it all. Everything we ever wanted - together.

You make concessions, agree to disagree, work towards the "betterment of everything" in spite of the betterment of  you. And today I woke up and realized this isn't me anymore. I shouldn't have to concede this much. The thought of a trip to Vegas shouldn't  make a wave of anxiety wash over me like the remnants of a tropical storm. I should not have this baggage.

Today I realized that your baggage is your baggage - and mine is indeed mine. I also realized I either wasn't strong enough or persistent enough to help you work through all you needed to. Instead of living together - we're existing together. Two people each behind a wall, walls we've built to save our own skin, and exist in the confines of our fears, without working to break through to the other.

Yes I'll say I failed you numerous times. I'll admit I've been wrong. But we both know this isn't how life should be. Always waiting. For that next step, the next pay check the next - what freedom affording entity? And yet you draw yourself farther and farther away like a distant foggy memory that escapes when we wake.  You make promises we both know you can't keep and we live in the silence that's become overwhelming.

I can't continue to be left unacknowledged. I can't be the one you don't introduce. And I can't be the one that is constantly left behind, in the dark, and alone. I can't constantly pretend we're just friends - both at home and in public. I can't allow this to continue as it has.

I used to think the scariest thing was losing you - now I know from experience, it's even worse to lose me.

Positive

Today I am thankful. That's an easy sentence to write but a remarkably hard one to mean sometimes. It's amazing what happens when you begin to remove the mental road blocks you make for yourself. I am thankful for where I am and what I am doing - and I hope that with persistence, a little luck and some divine intervention I can continue on this path.

The end...for now ;)

If I won the lottery

I've been really bored lately. There's nothing exciting going on, no form of collaboration or creativity, and I feel I'm wasting time in all areas of my life.

Obviously the answer to my problem is I need change the question is where do I start and more importantly where do I go? I've had some serious attempts of change in the past few months - all ending in dismal disappointment.  A friend of mine said there are thee keys to success when looking for change. Realize what you want, Visualize it then Actualize it.

I'm still stuck on the R.

So I reverted to that famous high school councilor trick: what would you want to do if you won the lottery? You could do whatever you wanted without worrying about finances - what's your dream?

When I was younger my answer was - I'd write books.  Pssh: clearly it's that easy. Now? I have no idea. The only think I can think of doing is set my parents up to never have to worry about money again.  Then I'm stuck. Totally in a rut with no way out - I know I'm so dramatic. So what's my goal this week? Create a more effective, achievable life plan one that I have to stick to and implement no matter how hard it is.

I suppose I have to post my update next week. Stay tuned.

Sunny Saturday

I came home this afternoon and the house was empty.  The noisy neighbor was gone, the sun was shining and I felt...good, all was right with the world.

I found some sort of centered peace I've been waiting for and even my iPod was complying today - playing really great music just on shuffle.  So I took a moment and basked in that rare time in life where everything comes together for just a few seconds. Like the planets were aligned just for me just for a moment.

I cleaned the apartment, took out the trash, showered and made myself dinner. And then I waited. For what I'm not so sure. I feel like at times we're all supposed to listen. To ourselves, to something telling us about our next steps in life and how we're supposed to prepare. I always wonder if I missed my calling. Should I have been an artist, musician or maybe I'll always be a struggling writer. In any event, today for a brief moment, I felt recharged.  Here's hoping I can sustain it.

Who do you love?

Since all my hard news blogging efforts have moved over to my alternative blog (listed on the right hand column there) this is turning more personal for me.


Today I'm learning not to fight. I feel like I've been rushing through life "I can't shake your hand - I'm waiting for something very important to happen". I need to stop that. Each day is a step toward bettering myself and hopefully those around me. I need to realize that one day my hard work will pay off and I will not be in the same place forever. But for right now - I need to shake those hands. Be a better person, a bigger one and focus on what's in front of me just as much as what I want ahead of me...

I guess we'll see.

Just a quick update

Quick update - more for me than you but it keeps me on track when I know that "people are reading this" even if it is just Google Analytics.

Positive thing - Dizzler rocks my world and I'm loving that I can grab any song off the net and listen to it right then.  Right now my obsession is still Passion Pit especially their song "Little Secrets"

What I'm letting go: When I come into work to welcome a pile of paperwork, half of which is missing signatures in key areas...I am not angry - it was not my fault I cannot prevent everything. It feels good to not let things get to you. I can only do what I can to fix it.

We'll see how long this lasts... ;)

Gay Girl Straight World: One Thing Every Day

 
According to Wikipedia (which in some cases is like saying according to my beagle) BUT according to Wikipedia:

Happiness is a state of mind or feeling characterized by contentment, love, satisfaction, pleasure, or joy.A variety of biological, psychological, religious, and philosophical approaches have striven to define happiness and identify its sources.

 Today I was ashamed. Everyday we read newspapers and articles, floods here, disaster there and I bitch about stuff that doesn't deserve to be bitched about.

Like the other day - when a co-worker tells me he believes in gay marriage, just not in gay's having kids, unless they want to adopt the "retarded ones" because they're desperate, I took a step back and got really irritated!

I've decided to make that reaction something of the past and renew some sort of inner whateverness.  Last year I saw the Dalai Lama speak in person and I bought this quote which I have hanging at my desk.  I vowed to read it everyday and keep myself centered.  Clearly that didn't happen but I'm renewing it again and looking for one thing everyday to make me happy and one thing to let go of.

Today the happiness is sunshine and convincing a co-worker to grab lunch. 
The irritation I let go of - well the things I can't control (which are many) but for today it's knowing that you can't please everyone.

And to close here's the quote I referenced above:

Every day, think as you wake up, today I am fortunate to have woken up, I am alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it, I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others, to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings, I am going to have kind thoughts towards others, I am not going to get angry or think badly about others, I am going to benefit others as much as I can.

H.H. the XIV Dalai Lama

What makes you happy? And more importantly what do you need to let go?

Gay Girl Straight World: Biden Drops the F Bomb

God I love Biden - what a trip!

I don't know how many of you decided to watch the historic signing of the Health care bill today but if you didn't you missed out!

Here's a quick recap: So I'm trying to be a good American, multitasking at my desk when a client comes over to me.  Obama uttering his historic speech in the background I grab a file and hand it over. Then I hear it, it's unmistakable, unbelievable - the word THE most taboo, unforgivable word in the English language - FUCK.

Wait what? I clearly wasn't listening that well.

I wait for my adorable client to walk away and scale back. Did he really just say that? The Vice President, the second in command in the United States say the F-bomb?

In the words of one of Alaska's most notorious politicians "You Betcha!".

Don't believe me?
Check out the uncensored version just for you guys. Just make sure you turn up the volume.



Damn Gina - way to tell it like it is Joe!

What makes you alive?: Post 13

We've all earned battle scars, some more than others. And after a ridiculously dumb move on the bike trail last weekend, I have some serious visible ones I hope heal soon.  But all joking aside, in the turmoil of economic uncertainty this past year I've been asking myself:

How can I keep positive and more importantly feeling alive?

                                                                   From toothpastefordinner.com

I've had a life plan since high school and I followed it up to the letter  (please don't think  I'm trying to be arrogant here):

                        Go to college and keep your head down                [check] 
                        Dean's List              [check]
                        Well-known in my chosen program        [check]
                        Great experience for Grad school resume     [check]
                        Get in to your dream grad school          [check]
                        Earn the degree you really want       [check]
                        Get your dream job        [Not so fast there Kiddo!]

My plan skidded in its tracks, and like most of us in our 20s, I found myself fervently trying to rewrite plans I engraved into my personal scroll at age 16.  Failure, layoffs, accumulating student loan bills? This was NOT part of my plan. Ten years later I was not supposed to be commiserating with the puppets on Avenue Q - searching for my purpose. I was supposed to be on my way to building a successful career.

So what now!? Man what a valuable albeit painful lesson I've learned this past year.  If I'd have to give it a name it'd be:
 
"The year everything you dreaded actually came true"   Ok maybe I'm being a bit dramatic but that's what the past year was for me- and a lot of others too!

So how do you bounce back?  I admit sometimes it's harder than others - but I've found thee key things that make that numbness go away pretty quick.

1.  Don't limit yourself. There's no 9-5 requirement in life, so don't put yourself in a box. Find something that gets you excited and then get the motivation to do it. Sometimes looking forward to coming home to TV can be the biggest depressor out there. 

2. Stop. I'm a huge perpetrator of this but I'm getting better.  When you're overwhelmed, stressed and crippled with whatever- stop, go outside grab a coffee or a book and DEPROGRAM. What ever it is will be there when you get back. And you'll feel better in the long run.

3. Learn to love your surroundings. They may not be perfect but it can always get worse.  Love where you are and find ways to make it better.  Negativity gets you nowhere.

What makes you happy?

When is enough enough?

Passive aggressive behavior - I hate it.  I hate the way it makes me feel whether I'm the receiver or the distributor and I'm working on being more forward and less of a wuss when it comes to confrontations.  Ok let me just step off the soap box here...

And on to the real problem:

I feel like I'm facing the same battle over and over again.  Like most people I love my parents. They're probably two of the most wonderful people on Earth. I would do anything for them and I'm sure they for me. But we keep running into the same wall and I wonder:

When is enough enough?

I'd say in the scheme of things religion is a significant part of my parents' lives, mine too to an extent, but they are certainly bible beaters. I'm all for religious freedom (obviously) and if you wholeheartedly believe that Leviticus is a straight-up proclamation from God himself that means homosexuality is wrong - I respect your opinion.  We may not be friends, but I won't be ass to you about it - why bother?

HOWEVER - I do expect that you be upfront and honest if we respect each other at all.  It's one thing to be a dick to people you don't know.  Just think about the last time you gave that driver who swerved out in front of you the finger.  But if you have an issue with me, and we're friends, or worse family - just come out and say what's on your mind.

So when the parents pull tricks like not inviting the gf to a family event, what's a girl to do?

Here's what I know.  I know I theoretically changed the game - I came out, broke their hearts and ruined their chances of having normal grandchildren (seriously if you've met my brother you know they're screwed in that dept.  Kidding...kind of).

Anyway I get it and I think I've been more than patient and understanding through the years. I've gone to plenty of events alone.  I've listened to their incredibly anti-gay church sermons for holidays, and I've been very respectful in terms of who I come out to - for their sake and theirs alone. And playing the "roommate" card is getting old.

But five years later when planning a birthday party I'm told the reservation just includes me - well my patience only goes so far. So when is it time to put the foot down? Or worse when do you give the ultimatum? If ever?  Clearly this calls for a serious discussion in terms of what is and isn't acceptable. I just never thought I'd have to teach MY parents about how to treat others.  Anyone have suggestions?

The Gay Games?

The Olympics are almost over - thank God!

Ok not that I'm not a huge fan, and DVR-ed pretty much every event - but after a while, you see one person go down a hill, you've seen 'em all go down. I'm looking forward to the closing ceremony - not sure it I'll watch it but it'll be nice to have a break from seeing the incessant coverage of some random person you maybe hear about once every four years...  OK that sounded a little mean but admit it - you all think it too!
But the Olympics are done or are they? 

I just remembered the Gay Olympics are this summer!! Notice the logo similarities btw - both people shaped with disproportionate legs... lol ok ok...

When I first heard about the Gay Olympics a few years agoI wasn't sure if it was a good idea. One of my main pet peeves is when we as people, take our differences and flaunt them.  I'm not talking about PRIDE or drag shows but for example: The Black Entertainment Channel or even LOGO - my first response to both was - if there was a white or "straight" channel the ACLU would be all over that like Hillary Duff on her new fiancee (sorry I just HAD to go there). Don't get me wrong, I LOVE LOGO  - especially RuPaul's Drag Race - AND would LOVE to work there (At LOGO that is) I mean check out this show:

Watch Gay Video & Lesbian Movies

Anyway, why SHOULD there be a Gay Games? What's the point? Well here's what their website says:

Based on the principles of Inclusion, Participation and Personal Best, the Games welcome everybody, regardless of their sexual orientation, age, gender, race, religion, nationality, ethnicity, physical challenge, political beliefs, physical ability, athletic/artistic skills or HIV/health status. There are no minimum athletic standards to qualify for the Games. The only requirement is the desire to support the ideals of the Games. People with specific needs or disabilities are integrated as full-fledged participants, volunteers, officials or spectators. By accepting the Games' challenge to reach for their personal best in sports, artistic and cultural activities, all Games participants automatically become winners.

Ok I totally dig that. In fact, I admire it. It's not an elitist best of the best gays event it's more of a communion. There are medal ceremonies and competitions but there are also parties, a celebration of life with participants from six continents - all together for one reason.  So yes, I am excited about the Gay Games in Germany this summer.  I would love to participate - or even volunteer! And even though I may not have heard of ANY of the athletes, I have a feeling it will be just as exciting as the "Real Olympics".   Anyone planning to attend?

EnGAYged?

Recently I've discovered that engagements are like yawning - they're catchy and spread rapidly and no, you don't sense any resentment (ok maybe a little). A lot of my friends have recently gotten engaged - it doesn't mean I'm not COMPLETELY excited for them but they're all straight too.

So I wonder:

How does a gay/lesbian couple go about an engagement?

I'm afraid to admit that I've only been to one lesbian wedding - and it WEIRDED ME OUT! Not because it was two women getting married (clearly) but because - well it was just weird, we knelt on the ground, witnessed a random play, a guinea pig and there were weapons on the wall. Um, I mean congrats to you both it was lovely.  =D

Anyway, I understand different strokes for different folks, and maybe I'm just sensitive here, but I feel like there a LOT of obstacles for same sex couples in terms of marriage aside from the whole is it legal in your state thing.  Am I wrong on this one?

So where do we go in terms of inspiration, support etc??  I actually have one of my newly engaged friends HP (no not Harry Potter) to thank for this - thanks Hedda.

So You're EnGAYged or http://www.soyoureengayged.com/.

Completely fabulous for those of you wanting to document your wedding, find friendly vendors and locations and grab the perfect photog.  Maybe it's just me but key components for a relaxing wedding for me, would be:

A)  Find a place I felt comfortable and welcomed
B) Had professionals (preferably gay) behind me that have been there before

It may sound simple - and I don't want to sound like "GAY ONLY". I understand that straight planners can be just as accepting and wonderful as anyone else but it's still good to find resources out there that are "For Gays By Gays".  Anyone else have sites they use or have used in the past?

Does God Hate Me?

Big Love - One of my favorite shows on HBO.  I don't even know why but I'm completely addicted to it and I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in this one. 

Throughout the show along with themes of religious freedom and polygamy - Big Love also introduces the now acting compound Prophet Alby Grant (played by Matt Ross).  Alby albeit a total douche, is a closet case homosexual and at times you even feel sorry for the guy.

As the story plays out Alby meets and falls in love with a lawyer charged with auditing him and the compound he runs (clearly it has to be this confusing it's an HBO show).  But on this week's episode we gain interesting insight into Alby's lover Dale Tomasson (Ben Koldyke).

The man is troubled - he explains he's gone though electronic shock therapy, 30 years of counseling and numerous other things to reverse his SSA (Same Sex Attraction). In the end, Dale commits suicide, inevitably devastating Alby the douche.  In the clip below you'll see a little bit more and probably become addicted yourself if you haven't already:

Ep. 40: Inside the Episode

  
It's no surprise that the church elders tell him that he's not working hard enough but it is interesting to bring up the supposed involvement of the Mormons and Prop 8 in California. If you haven't already heard about it/seen it there was a movie out at the Sundance Film Festival 8: The Mormon Proposition - that basically illustrated the Mormon push to have Prop 8 reversed.

It's interesting how much supposed power religious figures posses, but no matter how you stage it the stance against homosexuality I believe is always based on fear and fear alone.  And lets face it, same sex marriage is spreading across the country whether you like it or not.  Why would you ever want to make enemies with a group of people - when instead we could become a viable and important part of your flock. The Mormons messed up on this one.  The more you embrace the difference, the more you embrace humanity and therefore God - isn't that how it goes?

Who's getting Married?

Twitter is alight this morning! Tell me something new right? But the main theme today? The Carrie Prejean engagement to Ram's QB Kyle Boller...just in time for Valentines Day...:SIGH:  Ugh.  OK for those of you that don't know (or were under a rock - I'm not judging). Carrie Prejean was that California beauty queen that openly spoke out about Gay marriage.  Probably not the best career move for a CA girl but hey that's her prerogative.

Anyway people are fired up.  Why? because she's getting married when she doesn't think others should be allowed to.
I get it - but I don't see the big deal here (and yet I'm blogging about it ironic I know). 
But plenty of angry conservative folks get engaged and married everyday. I'm pretty sure Anita Bryant was and probably still is married.  George Bush - still married.




John McCain is still married - although we all love his wife.
Let's face it that's ballsy - we heart her.

Anyway - what's the point here? I get that Prejean believes in taking away the rights of others. Newsflash: A LOT of people do.  It doesn't mean we need to make a big deal of her marriage I have a feeling it won't make much of a splash down the road. She's young - 22 and who knows what's going to happen here?  Another divorcee' on a reality show?  Maybe - or maybe she'll fall on her head and have an epiphany, who knows?



I'm not saying she'll change her mind but free speech is free speech.  So she gets married and she's against everyone else that wants to.  If she doesn't get the hypocrisy now she's not going to get it EVER. It's like trying to train a beagle to speak French.  You're never going to hear the little sucker utter "fromage" no matter how much cheese you let him eat.

So ok I get that it's causing a bit of an uproar but lets focus on other things - say gay marriage in CA...I'm just sayin'.

What's in a name?

I tend to wonder what the point is in defining oneself as gay, straight, trans gender...  I agree that sometimes we need labels - descriptive words to further explain actions.

"I am attracted to women, therefore I am a lesbian"

Fine.  Do it up. But like in my first posting about coming out at work I know that sometimes a name, or label changes the way people see you, look at you, talk to and about you.   I get it, we all do. Finding the courage to come out - explain yourself, it's a good thing I think.

So when I  get an email about Glenn Beck shooting off his mouth AGAIN I have to laugh. Don't get me wrong, I don't catch the guy's show.  I think I should just to see what the heck will come out of his mouth next. But apparently this time he went off about Barack Obama's first name.  What a dumb arguement.

Here's the segment provided by Media Matters.  As you can see it's the main story on their page. But to be fair he usually is - not that he probably doesn't deserve it.



Ok so as a child Barack Obama wanted to fit in and changes his name to Barry.  But he doesn't CHANGE it back.  His name IS Barack.  Deal with it.  It's not like he ran for President as Barry or even John Obama.  We all knew what his name was and he was still elected.  Sorry Beck your candidate just didn't have the votes.

As to whether or not President Obama has terrorist ties or a secret agenda...who knows. Honestly - we don't but we also don't know the true agenda of most people.

And lets face it the Obama Biden logos do look like they're saying Osama bin Laden if you look quickly.  Oh don't tell me you didn't see it too!
It still doesn't mean our President is a terrorist...I don't think.

Anyway the point is Glenn Beck straighten out man (I say  that figuratively). You can be a pundit on TV and radio - do your thing but have a valid argument with something to stand on! Not this bull shit "he changed his name" argument.  I get you lack traditional education, but that's no excuse.

I respect anyone whose opinion or argument has a solid basis even if we completely disagree. I think most people do. But seriously  - this guy?  How does he still have a job?  Thoughts?

Diversity - like pulling teeth?

The Vanity Fair New Hollywood issue is turning heads and not necessarily in a good way.

If you look at the cover what do you see?  Me? I thought "Hey there's that girl from Big Love and a bunch of other people."  BUT depending on who you talk to there's more reason for outcry then just the - "who the hell are these people" response.

It you look more than say .5 secs you might realize the picture itself is a bit shall we say monochromatic -  different shades of white....  Eeeeesh

Nobody wants to point the "hey whitey" finger, but really what's the deal with this cover? The magazine even goes to the trouble of posting a quick video about the shoot:



Umm fail?  Ok I understand, trying to have one of every race gets to be a bit difficult and can look worse for the magazine.  But let's face it - there ARE young women of color who are up and coming, even if Vanity Fair doesn't want to notice.

Selena Gomez is huge right now and apparently dating Taylor Lautner that hottie (or so people tell me) from New Moon. And what about Gabourey Sidibe? She did a remarkable job in Precious and although her future in Hollywood is still questionable I bet she has a great shot of making a name for herself. Those are just two women off the top of my head not to mention countless others out there.

So did Vanity Fair fail?  I say yes or at least they didn't do a great job of coordinating schedules and looking for a larger pool of talent.  Thoughts?

HIV/AIDS Crystal?

According to Reuters:

"British and U.S. researchers said they had grown a crystal that enabled them to see the structure of an enzyme called integrase, which is found in retroviruses like HIV and is a target for some of the newest HIV medicines."

This in undoubtedly huge for everyone, gay, straight, whatever.  It's a great thing that scientists are constantly moving forward on AIDS research - we all know this.  But it doesn't mean that we should have any less caution or awareness for practicing safe sex.

Women that identify as lesbians can still contract the HIV virus, not necessarily via sexual contact with another woman (unless there are open wounds etc) but via needles and even sexual contact with males can spread the virus.  

Another thing to consider is know your donor.   If you're looking to have a child and are going the friend donor route - check his health stats.  If your close enough to get his sperm you're close enough to ask him to get tested.
But aside from HIV, I find it interesting  that there's a lack of information for lesbians regarding STIs and safe sex.  Lets face it - dental dams?  Really?  That's the only thing I can think of that, I suppose, is a physical protection barrier for two women during intimacy.   

But what else do we know? What studies are there? Everything I've read says that woman to woman contact offers very low transmittal risks for AIDS.  Great.  BUT what I always forget about (and maybe it's just me) is that there are other things out there of which we need to be aware.  Warts, herpes,  Hep B - all of these things are easily transmittable from partner to partner or toy to partner.  

Sex toys can very easily become vectors for STIs. Infected partners can leave discharge or fluids, which can introduced into your system if you share items during intimacy. If at all possible use separate items to limit contact.  I'd also suggest boiling your toys to disinfect.  I know some say the dishwasher is an effective way to clean toys but check with the manufactures and those that are silicone clean nicely in a hot pot of water.


For more information I'd check out this helpful page from Avert.  It named a lot of things I had either forgotten or never thought about. Anything listed here surprise you?

Is My Bed Really Dead?

Lets just get to the point shall we?  Lesbian bed death - and no I'm not talking about the Lesbian Bed Death band (they scare me).  When you hear the term "Lesbian bed death" what's your automatic reaction?  For me, I pictured two women who have been together for 20 years who just didn't have sex anymore.  I mean lets face it most people after 20 years together just don't have sex anymore...right?

So, why are we hearing that it happens so much more often than anyone would like? Dr. Pepper Schwartz coined the term Lesbian Bed Death term in the early 80's.  But depending on who you talk to - (or whose opinion you read) there are several factors that enable this craptastic thing to occur.  Ladies, lets face it - regardless of why it happens it happens - to all of us at some time.  If it doesn't you're either really lucky, or just haven't been with anyone longer than six months.

As to why it happens - that's up to debate, from hormones, to stress, to everyday life. Several things contribute to the cold bedom that we all fear. So my question is what do we DO about it?!

For me, I know I was the cause several years ago - back in the days where I thought I was important and very busy.  (Now I know better - I'm pretty unimportant in the scheme of things)  :)

But the most important lesson I've learned through the cold nights and lesbian bed deathery, is even though you both have different lives, stressers, and things that get in your way - it's important to continue to verify your relationship.  A lot of times we equate sex with love and also use it as a general indicator as to how our relationship is doing.

But there are other things we need to factor too.  If she still makes your heart melt when you look at her, if you still get that shock when you touch, then it's important to hang in there.  Life, especially now with the economy the way it is and everyone scrambling to find their way again - it takes its toll on all of us.

So my  very amateur advice is this - stick it out.  Life will always suck sometimes, in the bed and elsewhere.  If you have someone that makes your life complete, most of the times, know that the bed death is only a phase, a phase that if my sources are correct straight people go through too!  Worse comes to worse grab your rabbit (or whatever) and have at it - maybe that's just the jump start your girl needs to get involved too.

Don't Ask Don't Tell Don't Fly?

Wait what? Did I read this correctly?

The Washington Post in a breaking news frenzy, released an alert stating that during his address, the President will speak to appealing the military's "don't ask don't tell policy"....Holy crap!

I know the President spoke about this several times before, and it's been a semi hot topic in the last year but I'm still shocked that the President will choose this time to address such a serious issue.  I applaud him for doing so but I'll be interested in seeing what will actually happen when or if the policy is repealed.

I think any red blooded American (gay or straight) at one time toys with the idea of joining the military. I myself was dogged by the Navy (of all branches the Navy?!)  and honestly contemplated it for about half a second until I realized not only would I lose all autonomy BUT I'd have to be in the closet AGAIN...no thanks I'll pass.

So, if this is repealed what does it mean?  I'm assuming that gays would be able to serve openly - have partners, be themselves without fearing a dishonorable discharge, among other things. And with that being said, wouldn't this do wonders for the military? Granted I know there will be A LOT of growing pains (can you imagine Major so-and-so having to tolerate a queen with a lisp who just happens to be the best sniper on the base?  LOVE IT!)

But I think this will open the doors to so many people who have refused to consider military service if their relationships weren't recognized. Talk about the perfect way to build the ever straggling military.  Bets are hundreds of women "with strong throwing arms" - will finally join the cause to protect and serve our country.

Plus all the service men and women who are gay, can continue to be so AND keep their jobs. Check this out. According to The Examiner the military is actually losing money because of Don't Ask Don't Tell.
 Kelvin Lynch writes about a recent UCLA finding:

"Since its inception in 1994, the “Don’t Ask/Don’t Tell” policy has cost the military between $290 million to more than a half a billion dollars.  The military spends an estimated $22,000 to $43,000 per person to replace those discharged under DADT. In other words, 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell" has never worked, and never will."

Interesting to look at Don't Ask Don't Tell from a financial standpoint...

Well I'll be looking forward to watching the address and am intrigued to see how the President words this suggested appeal. But the main question is - will the repeal actually happen and if so, does it make the army more appealing to you?

Who Doesn't Love Jane Lynch?

If you're a lesbian, or pretty much a human with a TV at this point, you've probably seen Jane Lynch in one of her various roles, from Sue Sylvester on Glee, Lucy Bobby in Talladega Nights and Joyce Wischnia (my personal favorite) on the L Word.  LOVE the Joyce character and miss the L Word - ok I'm done. 

Anyway, the buzz I'm hearing, especially now is - Jane Lynch rocks.  Gay, straight, conservative pain-in-the-ass, we all adore her and for good reason!  She plays the perfect part. The hard ass, the female thug - the one that always gets her way, usually while wearing a track suit. AND she finds a way to look classy doing it. When was the last time (OK aside from Ellen) we had someone so outwardly gay, yet remarkably successful? I can't think of many other women like her that are in the limelight right now.


So with that in mind, and  - according to The Carpetbagger Blog , her upcoming marriage to Dr. Lara Embry, today we salute Jane Lynch - the fabulous lesbian with balls of steel.

What is this about?

So what is this about?  I'm a twenty something and I can't complain about much. I'm gay, out to people I'm close to, and I try to lead a relatively normal life. So this is about my thoughts, I know real exciting. But what's the harm in documenting? So each post I'll tackle something that's bothering me, and I welcome everyone to post their thoughts.

So the question this time - When should one come out at work?

I'm thankful to be employed but like most of us - wish it were somewhere else.  Regardless of my employment status, one of the biggest issues I have is answering the question - "To come out or not to come out" at work.

I think for me it's important to be honest, but I find, like in most cases, being totally honest has the potential to significantly hinder you. I'm always concerned that co-workers and managers might see me differently. Will I lose credibility, and will people begin to tip toe around - making casual conversation seem forced and painful?


As of now I've never come out at work, and I wonder if I'm making it more of a big deal than I should. I monitor co-workers, we all do it.  See their reactions to certain situations and if they love Elton John etc... and wonder - how accepting can this person be?  Regardless of the laws we've all known someone who has been fired for being gay.  If you haven't -we need to introduce you to more gays.  But as of right now I've never felt comfortable enough to come out AND I've always been the only gay person in the office. How is this possible in the 20th century? I'm still figuring that out.

With that being said, I know a big part of this issue is me, my own fears, insecurities and acceptance issues. But still - when should or rather when is it appropriate to come out at work?

Any suggestions?